Parse query strings with one line
There are many excellent javascript libraries and utilities out there I recommend using if you want to handle query strings in a more systematic way, such as query-string, jquery-param, url-parse, or…
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PUNISHER vs. PREDATOR
Earth’s greatest killer meets top hunter
The Predator franchise has taken a bit of a hit as of late. It fell prey to my last review over here…
Previous attempts to evolve the franchise have failed miserably. The best examples are the AVP series. The Alien vs. Predator films haven’t lived up to the comics, which saw the Predator take on the likes of Judge Dredd, Tarzan, and even Batman…
The film rights are currently owned by Fox, but that’s expected to change once Disney gets their hands on it. That’s right! Unless another buyer comes in, Disney may soon own the Predator franchise!!!
Think of all the potential movie crossovers! I dunno, like Mary Poppins vs. Predator…
Or keep it in space with a battle between a lightsaber and shoulder cannon, Predator vs. Darth Vader…
Let’s see how they stack up. First up…
Frank Castle a.k.a. The Punisher is the ultimate killing machine. He’s basically Batman, without the no-kill rule…
Meaning he isn’t limited by principle. The guy would take one look at the Predator, acknowledge the threat, and make it rain bullets on his alien ass. Imagine what it’d look like if Jackson Pollock got his hands on hi-vis green paint…
Castle’s got access to a tonne of weaponry and ain’t afraid to use it. Like Batman, he’s a master tactician and studies his enemies carefully. He even has his own Alfred, in the form of Micro…
The “guy in the chair” as Ned puts it…
Armed with good backup, heavy arsenal, and military expertise, it’s hard to see the Predator having a chance against Frank…
On top of that… if Punisher really is like Batman, we’ve already seen the Predator take him on in the comics!!!
SPOILERS: It doesn’t bode well for the Predator…
Having said that, Batman has access to something the Punisher simply hasn’t got, better technology. Which brings me to…
There’s no disputing it, the Predator has access to technology that is better than anything we’ve ever seen on Earth!
The Predator’s ability to cloak itself into its environment is its best assest. That’s why it’s insane how little it uses it in the films!
If I was the Predator, I’d sneak up behind Frank and end his age of punishment right there and now.
A Predator willing to use its equipment to its maximum potential is an unstoppable force in my opinion. Even without the tech, the Predator is a force to be reckoned with.
The creature’s built like a truck and strong as all hell. It would tower over the Castle no doubt. Just look at how it manhandles Arnold Schwarzenegger over here…
The only weakness I can see isn’t impaired vision whenever the Predator takes off its helmet or even when it’s on…
Nor is it a reluctance to use the full range of his suit’s capabilities whenever it doesn’t suit the script…
It’s the Predator’s reluctance to ask for help when it needs it. It doesn’t have a backup, a guy in the chair! The Predator chooses to fight Solo…
No no… not that Solo!!! Although, Disney could also make that crossover happen!
The Predator’s biggest weakness is its pride and that’s something Frank could punish.
That and the fact that the mighty Predator has taken a loss to pretty much everyone in the films and comics. Well, not everyone…
That’s right! SPOILERS: The Predator kills Archie!
Speaking of Archie… the Punisher made a cameo there too!!!
So it’s only fair in the imaginary scenario coming up that they both compete in an environment they’re both familiar with…
Let’s go with Riverdale. Not exactly a haven for hunters or criminals, although the new show has changed that quite a bit…
Let’s just say that both parties have access to all their weapons/gadgets and set this in the comic universe. Moving on to…
Both combatants seem to share a certain code of honour, fighting by a set of rules we’re not exactly privy to.
The Punisher seems to only kill criminals, no innocents. So right from the get-go, it should be firmly established that this alien is a pretty bad dude…
The Predator seems to also follow a code, choosing only to kill creatures it deems worthy of posing a threat. It will NOT go after weak prey, fighting only the best a species can muster. The Punisher certainly counts…
All other rules don’t count! Let the games begin…
The Predator lands in Riverdale and starts killing all the cops. It encounters Betty and Veronica and spares their lives because… they’re hot! No such luck for Jughead who becomes the Predator’s first victim…
Archie calls his mate, the Punisher, to come down to Riverdale and teach this monster a lesson. After a tense encounter… good ol’ Frank reluctantly agrees to take the job.
The next time the Predator shows up, the Punisher is ready for him. He fires a round of bullets into the Predator’s back, yes it bleeds and…
The Predator activates its camouflage and hides in the bushes. It tracks the origin of the bullets straight to the Punisher. It locks on target, recognises the threat. The hunt is on!!!
A blast is heard all over Riverdale. Archie surveys the wreckage and notices Frank’s near lifeless body amongst the rubble. He pulls Frank out and takes him to straight to the hospital. Round one goes to Predator.
Somewhere in an abandoned building, the Predator treats its wounds, unhappy that it wasn’t able to collect its trophy because of all its injuries. A scream of agony is heard around the town, followed by thunder…
It takes a few days for both man and alien to recover. In the meantime, Micro does his research on the Predator. It appears to be wearing a cloaking device that doesn’t do well in water as evidenced by the hacked CCTV footage placed near the warehouse.
A trap is set near the Riverdale swamp. The Predator tracks its prey and takes the bait as planned. The landmines go off and the Predator takes some serious damage. Frank springs into action and goes for the kill…
Both combatants fall into the swamp. They tussle in the mud and water. The Predator is weakened but miraculously fights back. Frank crawls out of the swamp and turns around to see the Predator in all its glory…
Frank charges forward with knife, but the Predator counters and holds him up by the neck like a ragdoll. Just before it delivers a final blow, a surveillance drone drops from the sky and lands on the creature’s head…
The Micro distraction delivers just enough time for Frank to plow his weapon into the extraterrestrial’s throat. The Predator drops and Frank goes to town on its already ugly face. The creature starts spewing out green sludge like a broken Squishee machine…
Frank hesitates, the alien’s face appears to be showing genuine fear and is asking for mercy. F*ck it. Castle ends the creature’s life with one final blow before it has time to tap away at its keyboard wristwatch.
And there you go. Phew, we got there! If you were kind enough to “stick around.” Thank you. I’m sure you’ll agree, this is better than any fight the UFC could come up with…
Thanks for reading, for another stab at Flash fiction…
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